I didn’t know

I didn’t know I had so many tears

Until I cried on a pillow, a bag full of wet feathers and sorrow

I didn’t know I could bleed this much

Didn’t know how deep my skin is 

Until you cut my flesh

With sharp blades of words of hatred

Deep wounds of resentment

Of pain that I caused you

I didn’t know I was that strong

To be the chain that shackled you

The force that weighed on you

I didn’t know I could hold you back

From reaching for your dreams,

From trying 

I thought I was a solid ground

The gravity, the foundation that kept you strong

I didn’t know I was the rock

That broke your spirit,

The gravity that held you down

The cloud that blocked your light

I wish you had let me know

That I pulled too hard

Held on too tight

I thought I was your dream

I thought you were my light

I didn’t know, 

that I was the mountain you had to conquer

The power you had to overcome

The monster you had to beat

Just To see your horizon.

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You’re home to me

You’re home to me

I rest my head on your chest

And feel your heart come to me

I close my eyes and in my dreams your soul comes to for me

You’re home to me

I reach for  the stars and your hopes pull you to me

I rest my heart in yours and peace comes over me

You’re home to me

I am not afraid of all the demons that live in me

I face my fears, look them in the eye

Because you’re strong for me

You’re home to me. 

I belong to you, and lay my life for you

House my heart, a treasure in your chest, a prison of bones, bars that bring home to me

You’re home to me.

I belong to you

Come home to me. 

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I fell in love with a rock

I fell in love with a rock

Polished, it shone,

I found it on a riverbed.

Captivated by its light

A pebble of water 

That reflected the sun.

I fell in love with a rock.

It sat on the bed of a river

Where my soul searched for water

My heart was parched,

I found love on a riverbed

Where I went looking for a sip,

Hope, on a riverbed,

Where I went looking for a drink,

Strength in the rock that lay on a riverbed

I fell in love with a rock,

But rocks don’t hold water,

Rocks don’t bear fruits,

Rocks erode

rocks destruct

I fell in love with a rock

That beat my soul

Til it broke my heart

I fell in love with a rock

That weigh on my back

Til it broke my strength

I fell in love with a rock

But rocks aren’t foundations.

A single rock

can’t Build a home.

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Sometimes to breathe is enough.

To feel the air in your lungs

To feel your heart beat, 

faster,

Just to catch it.

Sometimes a silent moment,

A simple gulp of life, 

held in,

Absorbed, 

Cherished,

Is more than enough

To get up

To try again

To look to the winds to carry our souls 

To a place where our eyes might see again

Where our minds can build hope again

A place where our backs might be strong again

A simple place where our hearts won’t just beat, they’ll dance again

Where we can rest our burdens

And leave those loads

That carry death with them

A place where we can dream

And not be afraid to reach for them

Sometimes, all we need is to breathe,

Breathe in the sun and the moon and the stars that always show up, every day, 

And shine for us.

Sometimes, we need to remember to just breathe, 

look around us

Take it all in 

And search our spirits for a place where we can be our own light, 

Set it free,

So it burn and never die 

Again.

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They made me wear black

They made me wear black,
For days and months to come,
A grieving widow,
I packed my jewelry,
In a tiny box: another funeral
I had to bury the light
As if the darkness couldn’t be seen in my eyes.

They made me wear black
Took my jewelry,
As if you, the gold of my heart
Hadn’t been ripped away

They made ne wear black,
The darkness of my heart on a sleeve,
A black dress with no jewelry;
A dark night with no stars.

They made ne wear black,
But they didn’t know
That we lived a life of colour
A life of rainbows
A life of joy.

They made me wear black
But they didn’t know
The light you shone in my heart
The warmth you breathed into my soul.
They don’t know
The diamond you made of my coal heart

They made me wear black
But they don’t know
The brightest jewel I ever wore
Is the smile you put on my face.

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Just a little girl who misses her father

My dad always waved goodbye,

He’d kiss my cheek and rub my belly, make me laugh

He’d always wave at me,

Make me smile before he left

Make me laugh

I’d hold on to that, 

Smile, til I saw him again

With a wide smile behind a scruffy beard, he’d wave at me

A simple hello, a joyous thing

He’d wave at me, 

Goodbye but he’d always come back

With a thick beard and a big smile, wave hello again. 

Until he didn’t. 

Until it was one last smile

And one last eruption of laughter

He waved goodbye one day and never waved again.

I’ve long forgotten the smile and the sound of laughter

I’ve long forgotten the beard that housed the smile

I’ve long forgotten the joy of waving hello.

Just once, I wish my father would wave at me. 

Just once I wish he’d make me smile again. 

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I wish you wouldn’t hate me
For not knowing how to feel your pain
I wish you wouldn’t hate me
For not understanding your despair
I wish you’d forgive me
For this broken back
For not carrying your load,
For not knowing how
Because our paths have been different
The roads have been long
The rocks I climbed, seem a breeze to you
And the mountains you’ve conquered, a gentle horizon to me
I wish you’d forgive my struggles for not mirroring yours
And let my heart know yours
Feel your beat against mine
And forget all the things I cannot do
I wish you’d forgive me
I wish you’d know
I wish you’d learn how to love me too.

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